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I’ve been doing a lot of self-introspection lately. I’ve always been one of those people who question and ponder, even consider most faiths. One side-effect however (a negative one perhaps) is my tendency to question if a pre-destined life is real, and if so, was I meant to get hurt, suffer, and then ultimately die? Was all of this planned by God? This question is never too far from my mind.

And the one question I have that causes me perhaps the most strife: Does God want those of us living with disabilities not to bother with romance and relationships, instead having us focus on more “important” things like advocacy for disability rights, inspiring others through our example, helping others who are also suffering, etc? And if this is true, should all of us just give up on searching/hoping for love because it‘s futile and not destined for us this time around (but hey! maybe the next time around if you believe in that kind of thing).

I think all of us sometimes think this way. And like you, I go back and forth on the idea, depending on my life at the moment. Sometimes I want to believe. When I have bad strokes of luck with men it makes the bizarre bad luck easier to swallow; tt explains why it’s so hard to find someone on the same wavelength as me (because when you get down to it, that’s what dating is all about: Being at the same place/energy level as they are).

And being that we’ll never know the answer to the theory of people with disabilities being pre-destined to have sub-par romance luck, it can be hard to decide my dating “plan of action.” Should I go out and try or shouldn’t I? I’d really like to know, wouldn’t you?

The very fact that our culture needs a dating columnist specializing in disability, such as myself, is proof that we have it harder. Everyone knows that. But everyone just assumes we’re getting rejected because of our disability. And that’s not always the case.

Sometimes our relationships don’t work out, time and time again, for other reasons: Narcissism, infidelity, school, distance, money, and even fate. We need to spread the message that we’re more than just our disability, and in our romantic relationships, our partners usually stop seeing our disability anyways, and the reasons we break-up are much more varied than just, “You suck! You have CP! I’m leaving!”

As you click from this page an make your way gently through the world, dating or not dating, crying every other month because of a break-up or not dating at all, it may be wise to ponder romance and fate, and if they’re interconnected. With our unique lives (and with the precious time we have here) is it better to spend it on social issues that better the world and not petty things like romance?

Or…should we simply just go where our heartstrings take us, not worrying about things we’ll never know the answer to? What do you say, Lovebyrders? Share your answer in the forum!